So, it's been way too long (if ever) since I wrote anything on here, and it just seemed like now would be a good time. Since the beginning of this month we've had some adventurous adventures, and some not-quite adventures, and we're planning on a few more crazy things before the summer's through.
I guess the best place to start would be the fourth of July, where my wife was the parade director's assistant for the second year running. Had a little more trouble this year because the equestrians weren't quite set up right and of course since I had work I couldn't be there to be the runner. She still managed to do a stellar job and had everything figured out for the parade, and this year there weren't even any riots between the dems and the repubs. Later on in the day, she bungee jumped the Grand Canyon. ....okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, but if it had been there she would have! She actually almost took our four month old (my wife is correcting me: 3 1/2 month old) up in the hot air balloons. She totally would have but was told there was some kind of rule saying that kids had to be at least a year old. So definitely next year. We're also going to move by next fourth, because the Stadium of Fire is just too much for our littlest princess. We could look out our living room window and watch the bigger ones reflected from the doctor's office next door, and the noise was of course more than adequate. That was Emily's latest night in a long while. Parenting is fun, but not when you have a cranky baby who can't get to sleep.
One of our best not-quite adventures would have to have been when we DIDN'T go up to PCMC for another of Emily's checkups. The docs said in June that since she's so obviously healthy and since there still aren't any symptoms, that at this point we could drop it down to every other month, which is a HUGE relief, because then we don't have to worry about the long drive to SLC followed by a couple of hours with doctors followed by another couple hour drive back. Kinda makes it into a day trip, but not the kind that you get to enjoy much. We also tend to disagree with the nurses and the doctors there a lot, since they're all about just drugging Emily up for the rest of her life, and we'd rather see more natural type treatments. Giving drugs to someone who's still healthy seems a bit much, especially when there's not much to indicate that she will get drastically sick. We're going back up at the end of August for some other tests and such, and if she can make it a whole year without showing symptoms, it's possible that they'll change the diagnosis from CF to a "CF related disorder".
Our latest adventure was a complete surprise (okay, so Yannie told me about it before we actually went, but only cause it was such a good surprise she couldn't hold it back any more!). She used her amazing connections and got us both a hotel room (free breakfast included, change of scenery, swimming pool, and not having to clean up after ourselves) and a babysitter (sleep all night, don't have to get up early, and just some time to be us again). Needless to say it was a perfect start to the weekend, and we both really enjoyed ourselves. The pool had too much chlorine, but that didn't stop us from having fun together. Getting away every now and again is a key part to staying together.
Last is the one we have planned: going on the annual Powell trip with my parents! We're still hoping I can get time off work, but that shouldn't be too hard to get taken care of. Could be a bit of a crazy adventure with a really young baby, but it's so much fun we don't want her to miss out! Besides, Yannie needs a chance to actually water ski...rather than having a lot of fun ("it's not fun till you get up! I appreciate the enthusiasm but that wasn't fun"- Dad last year) getting pulled over and dragged by a boat. Oh, and this will be the first chance my brother Daniel will really have to get to know my wife and child.
Lots of good times behind and plenty more ahead!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Addictions
Addictions are things that you just can't shake. Even if you work hard at overcoming them. And addictions don't have to neccessarily be drugs and things like that. Recently, I've been wanting to self-harm again. Thankfully, I have not given in to this urge.
Several years ago, my cutting was getting out of control. The last time I hurt myself in that manner, I had to get stitches. It's now been over 2 years. February 9, 2009 was the last time I cut myself. That night, I cut my writst. I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I just wanted to feel relief. Relief from my problems, everything, and cutting seemed to give that to me. At least temporarily.
Each cut only gave me relief for a short time, and then I had to cut again. It was a vicious cycle and I couldn't get out of it. So, what made me change? That night, the last time I cut, that was the worst that I have ever cut. I just kept applying pressure to the blade on my wrist. More and more pressure. That night, I managed to cut a tendon in my writst.
The sight of that, hit me, and hit me hard. So, that was the very last time that I cut, but now it's getting hard to fight that addiction again. I've wanted so badly this past week to just give up. I keep thinking that two years means nothing, although I know that is far from the truth. In my heart at least. It's been getting harder to fight it. Michael has been a great help with this. He hasn't given up on me, and I can talk to him when it gets too hard. I trust him, and am able to open up to him well.
Another thing I've been fighting, is wanting to go back to my old eating habits. If you can call them that. With the warm weather, I want to have the perfect body, which I definitely don't as of right now. I want to go back to the whole not-eating, and working-out too much. I've been trying to convince myself that it would be remarkably easy to hide. From Michael and from his family.
That's another reason that I haven't done either of these. Michael's family. They've all been there for me, and are always willing to help me. Especially Dad. Dad has pulled me aside more than once, and is highly interesting in hearing what I have to say.
I don't know why I'm writing this, but I felt like I should. I haven't given in to either, and I don't plan to. I have people that I can talk to, heck, just writing this, is much better than I was in the past. Maybe that's why I felt pushed to write this. maybe it's more for me than for anyone else. I'm proud of how far I've come, and I'm going to continue working on this. Like all addictions, it won't go away, but I can work on managing it.
Several years ago, my cutting was getting out of control. The last time I hurt myself in that manner, I had to get stitches. It's now been over 2 years. February 9, 2009 was the last time I cut myself. That night, I cut my writst. I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I just wanted to feel relief. Relief from my problems, everything, and cutting seemed to give that to me. At least temporarily.
Each cut only gave me relief for a short time, and then I had to cut again. It was a vicious cycle and I couldn't get out of it. So, what made me change? That night, the last time I cut, that was the worst that I have ever cut. I just kept applying pressure to the blade on my wrist. More and more pressure. That night, I managed to cut a tendon in my writst.
The sight of that, hit me, and hit me hard. So, that was the very last time that I cut, but now it's getting hard to fight that addiction again. I've wanted so badly this past week to just give up. I keep thinking that two years means nothing, although I know that is far from the truth. In my heart at least. It's been getting harder to fight it. Michael has been a great help with this. He hasn't given up on me, and I can talk to him when it gets too hard. I trust him, and am able to open up to him well.
Another thing I've been fighting, is wanting to go back to my old eating habits. If you can call them that. With the warm weather, I want to have the perfect body, which I definitely don't as of right now. I want to go back to the whole not-eating, and working-out too much. I've been trying to convince myself that it would be remarkably easy to hide. From Michael and from his family.
That's another reason that I haven't done either of these. Michael's family. They've all been there for me, and are always willing to help me. Especially Dad. Dad has pulled me aside more than once, and is highly interesting in hearing what I have to say.
I don't know why I'm writing this, but I felt like I should. I haven't given in to either, and I don't plan to. I have people that I can talk to, heck, just writing this, is much better than I was in the past. Maybe that's why I felt pushed to write this. maybe it's more for me than for anyone else. I'm proud of how far I've come, and I'm going to continue working on this. Like all addictions, it won't go away, but I can work on managing it.
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