Sound of Silence

Sometimes with BiPolar there comes a special kind of challenge- noise sensitivity. Now not everyone gets to deal with this but I want to share with you my brand of NS.

 

Imagine for a moment you are in a quiet room. Close your eyes. Listen to what you hear. Maybe a clock ticking? Maybe a floorboard creak? Maybe if it's quiet enough you can hear your heart beating? 

For me, when my NS decides to flare, because it cycles along with my moods, I hear EVERYTHING. The birds singing. The branch creaking with the bird's weight. Electricity buzzing. The clock ticking. The bed settling. Animals eating and playing. My hair as it moves. The neighbor's shower. My heartbeat. The floor creaking. Everything. 

Now I've always had sensitive ears- picking up on things no human should be able to hear such as dog whistles. I could hear them and it would make me want to cry. Looking back I could see where NS was playing a part in my behaviour. However, in the last year it has gotten horrible at times. 

The first time my husband found me crumpled on the floor, covering my ears and crying because it was all just too loud, he tried pulling me in a hug against his heartbeat-which is usually a comfort. This time it was just another noise and I pushed him away. He finally heard me say, "everything is just too loud. I can't..." and jumped up to grab his noise cancelling headphones. Plopped them on me and although it wasn't perfect it helped drastically, and that's how I cope now. I go into the bedroom with noise cancelling headphones and avoid sounds.

 

Though there are some days where my NS overwhelms me and it feels like static assaulting me, where my eardrums vibrate and try to jump out of my body, the majority of the days my NS isn't so bad and I can do cool things like pick up my phone before a notification/call/alarm goes off because the air changes a split second beforehand. Or know exactly what the kids are up to from several room away. Or or or. My husband teases me sometimes I have a super power because his hearing has never been this sharp, and that's how I try to view this. A gift. A super power. Anything to put a positive spin on those days I'm not able to do much more than sit with noise cancelling headphones.

There are positives in every situation and I need to do better at remembering that, but it's not all horrible and life really is amazing even with challenges. Isn't that what makes life flavourful? 

LOVES!!!